As parents, one of the hardest things to do is let go. We want to protect our kids from pain, heartbreak, and mistakes, especially when it comes to dating. Watching our sons and daughters grow into teenagers and begin navigating relationships can stir up every protective instinct we have. But as I’ve learned in my walk with God, being overprotective doesn’t shelter them the way we think it does. In fact, it can push them further away. I’ve seen this play out firsthand.
My son was in a relationship with a young girl whose mother was extremely protective. And while I understood her heart, she wanted to guard her daughter from hurt, it reminded me of my own teenage years. I grew up with very little freedom, never allowed to do much of anything. At the time, my parents probably thought they were protecting me. But the truth is, it only made me more curious, more frustrated, and more tempted to rebel. Now, as a mother, I don’t want to repeat that cycle.
So, what does God say about teens and relationships? The Bible doesn’t specifically address teenage dating the way our culture does today, but it gives us timeless principles about relationships and purity: Guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23). Teens are still learning who they are, and giving their heart away too quickly can lead to heartbreak.
Teaching them to guard their hearts isn’t about fear, it’s about wisdom. Choose wisely (2 Corinthians 6:14). Who we connect ourselves with matters. Encouraging our kids to pursue friendships and relationships with people who share their values will protect them in the long run. Live with purity (1 Timothy 4:12). Teens may think purity just means saying “no” to certain things, but it’s bigger than that. It’s about living in a way that honors God in words, choices, and relationships. So, while dating may not be “wrong,” it requires guidance, prayer, and open communication.
What is the difference between overprotection vs. trusting God? Here’s the truth God pressed on my heart:“Being overprotective doesn’t help your child, it pushes them away and often leads them to rebel more.” When we grip too tightly, we create fear instead of faith. Overprotection sends the message: “I don’t trust you, and I don’t trust God to take care of you.” But real faith as a parent says: “I’ll set boundaries, give wisdom, and then trust God with what I cannot control.”
Psalm 127:3 reminds us that our children are a gift from the Lord. They belong to Him first, and He loves them even more than we do. Ephesians 6:4 warns parents not to provoke their children to anger but to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. When we smother them, we risk building walls instead of bridges.
How do we give freedom with faith? The balance isn’t easy. I’ve learned to lean into prayer more than control. Instead of constantly worrying about who my kids are with, what they’re doing, or where they’re going, I choose to pray over their hearts. I ask God to close doors that aren’t for them and open doors that lead them closer to Him.
I want to give my kids a little more freedom than I had, not because I don’t care, but because I trust God. I’ve learned that no matter what I do, I can’t rewrite God’s plan for their lives. What I can do is guide, support, and trust Him with the rest.
Parenting teenagers is one of the greatest challenges and blessings. Dating is just one part of that journey, and it can either be an opportunity for growth or a season of heartbreak. But through it all, God is faithful. As parents, our role isn’t to build cages but to provide safe boundaries while pointing our kids back to Christ. Protection is important, but overprotection is harmful. The goal isn’t to control every step, they’ll stumble, and they’ll learn but to model faith and teach them to seek God’s will in every choice they make.
Let’s try to loosen our grip, not out of neglect, but out of faith. Trust that the God who created them is also the God who can keep them, guide them, and shape them into who He has called them to be.
Are you being overprotective with your child? Or maybe you once were and realized it was causing more harm than good? Share your story, your testimony could be the encouragement another parent needs today.
Holy mess 