When you’re young, in love, and swept away by emotions, it’s easy to believe that “love” is enough to build a marriage on. The butterflies in your stomach, the late-night talks, the feeling that you’ve found your person, all of that can be intoxicating. And while those feelings are wonderful, they are not a foundation.
I’ve learned that marriage is so much deeper than a feeling. In fact, if you only marry someone because of how they make you feel, you’re setting yourself up for a shaky start. Feelings are unstable. They ebb and flow. They can change with stress, disappointment, or even just a bad day. Building a marriage on emotions alone is like building a house on shifting sand.
Before you say “I do,” there are conversations that must be had, and they aren’t always romantic. They’re real, raw, and sometimes uncomfortable. You need to talk about money. Not just “Do we have enough right now?” but “How do we handle finances? Are we savers or spenders? What’s our plan for emergencies, debt, and the future?” Money issues are one of the top reasons marriages fall apart, not because of the amount you have, but because of how it’s managed.
You also need to talk about children. Not just “Do we want kids?” but “How do we want to raise them? What are our values? How will discipline be handled? What kind of environment do we want to create in our home?” Because once children come into the picture, your parenting styles will either unite you or divide you.
Marriage is a covenant, not just a connection. It’s a partnership that requires trust, communication, respect, and shared vision. Love, the real kind, isn’t about how someone makes you feel in the moment, it’s about how committed you are when the feelings shift, when life gets hard, and when the sparkle of the honeymoon phase fades into the everyday grind.
I’ve come to realize that many marriages don’t last because they were built on nothing but feelings. The truth is, feelings are wonderful companions but terrible leaders. They can inspire you, but they can’t carry the weight of a lifetime commitment. That weight has to be carried by choice, the daily decision to love, to work through conflict, to forgive, to grow together, and to keep moving forward side by side.
If you’re married, I encourage you to keep having those deep conversations. Don’t assume you’re on the same page, check in regularly about finances, parenting, dreams, and even frustrations. If you’re not yet married, don’t skip the hard talks just to preserve the good feelings. Real love can handle honesty.
Marriage is beautiful, but it’s not magic. It’s not the feeling that keeps it alive, it’s the foundation you build together, the unity you protect, and the commitment you keep, even on the days when the feelings feel far away.
Holy mess 