There’s no sugarcoating it, parenting a teenager will test your patience, your faith, and sometimes even your sanity. One day they’re sweet and chatty, the next day you’re lucky if you get more than a grunt or an eye roll. You can go from being “the best parent ever” to “the most annoying person alive” in the span of 10 minutes, and you’re left wondering, What just happened?
Teenagers are in this strange, in-between stage. They’re not little kids anymore, but they’re not fully adults either. They crave independence but still need guidance. They want you to trust them, but sometimes they make choices that make you question if they’re ready for that freedom. And if we’re being real, those moments can sting. Sometimes, teens don’t realize how ugly and unfair life can be. They think we’re just being overprotective, when really we’re trying to prepare them for a world that won’t always be kind.
I saw this truth in the most unexpected way when my daughter left for the Navy. I didn’t want to send her off, I wanted to keep her close, where I knew she was safe. But deep down, I knew I couldn’t be selfish. I had to trust that God’s plans for her were bigger than my fears. I had to release her into His hands and let her go spread her wings so she could grow.
After three long months in boot camp, I saw her again. She hugged me and told me she loved me, and then she thanked me for always being there. She told me how many young adults she met who had no family to write them letters, no one to call, no one waiting for them back home. And in that moment, she realized just how blessed she was to have a mom who cared. I never thought I would hear those words from her, but I did and I’ll carry that moment in my heart forever.
It was God’s gentle reminder that the seeds we plant in our children, even when they seem to go unnoticed, will one day bear fruit. And here’s something I’ve learned, parenting a teen means you have to stop trying to control every detail of their life. It’s tempting to want to protect them from every mistake, every hurt, and every wrong turn, but you simply can’t. God didn’t call us to be control freaks, He called us to be prayer warriors. You can’t follow them into every situation, but your prayers can. You can’t protect them from every bad choice, but you can ask God to guide them through it. And you can’t make them choose the right path every time, but you can trust the Lord to lead them back if they wander.
The truth is, parenting a teen is not just about rules and discipline, it’s about building trust, staying connected, and choosing your battles wisely. If you try to control every single move they make, you’ll lose them emotionally, even if you still have them physically under your roof. But if you step back completely, you risk them learning life’s hardest lessons the most painful way. That’s why prayer is not optional, it’s essential.
Some days, I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. I question if I’ve said too much, or not enough. I wonder if they understand how much I love them, or if they think I’m just trying to make their life harder. And then, there are the days where out of nowhere, they open up. They share a problem. They laugh with me. They ask for advice. Those moments remind me that despite the storms, they still see me as their safe place.
I’ve learned that parenting a teenager is less about fixing them and more about guiding them. It’s about letting them fall, but being there to help them get back up. It’s about listening more than lecturing. It’s about praying over them constantly, because we can’t be everywhere they are but God can.
If you’re in the thick of parenting a teen, I want to remind you of this, don’t give up. Your consistency, your love, your faith, and yes, even your boundaries are shaping them, even if they act like they don’t care. They might not say it now, but one day, they’ll look back and realize you were fighting for them, not against them.
Parenting a teen will stretch you, but it will also grow you. You’ll learn patience, humility, and how to love unconditionally. And at the end of the day, your role is not to be their best friend, it’s to prepare them for life, to cover them in prayer, and to trust God with the parts you can’t control. That’s real love.
Holy mess 