You don’t forgive because they deserve it. You forgive because you deserve peace.
I carried it for years. The anger. The betrayal. The silence. The memories I tried so hard to forget but still haunted me in the quiet moments. I told myself I was over it. I said, “I forgive them,” out loud… but my heart was still broken, bitter, and bruised. I smiled. I functioned. I lived my life. But deep down, I was carrying wounds that never had a chance to heal, because I never really let them go.
It wasn’t until I truly surrendered my life to God that I realized how much weight I had been dragging behind me. That kind of burden doesn’t just weigh down your spirit, it hardens your heart. You become guarded, defensive, emotionally exhausted. You don’t even notice how heavy you are until you finally lay it down.
Unforgiveness is deceptive like that. It disguises itself as strength. “I’m fine.” “It doesn’t matter anymore.” “I’ve moved on.” But inside, it festers. And every time something reminds you of the hurt, every time their name is mentioned or the memory creeps back, you feel that same sting all over again. The wound reopens. The resentment resurfaces. And the peace you thought you had slips away.
Forgiveness isn’t just about saying the words, it’s about surrender. It’s about handing the pain over to God and trusting Him to carry what you were never meant to hold.
When I gave my life to Christ, He didn’t just save me, He revealed me to myself. He showed me the bitterness I had buried beneath “strength.” He showed me how many pieces of myself were still stuck in places I never healed from. And the root of it all? Unforgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened was okay. It doesn’t mean the pain was justified or that the person deserves a seat back in your life. It doesn’t mean trust is restored or the relationship is the same. No, sometimes forgiveness means releasing someone without inviting them back in.
It means finally understanding that what happened to you wasn’t because you were weak, or unworthy, or unlovable. It wasn’t your fault. And it definitely wasn’t the end of your story. God has a way of using the very things that almost broke you to build you, stronger, wiser, softer in spirit but unshakable in faith.
When you forgive, you give yourself permission to heal. To stop reopening the wound. To stop carrying the offense. To stop letting what they did dictate how you love, how you trust, how you show up in the world. Forgiveness says, “This hurt me deeply… but it no longer owns me.”
And when I finally forgave, not just with words, but with my whole heart, God met me there. He filled the empty places with peace. He showed me that letting go wasn’t about weakness, it was about freedom. It was about walking forward without chains. It was about giving Him every shattered piece of my past and watching Him rebuild something holy out of the brokenness.
So if you’re holding on to something, if you’ve convinced yourself that you’ve “let it go,” but deep down it still aches, I want to tell you something: God doesn’t just want you to survive it. He wants to heal you through it. But healing requires honesty. And honesty requires surrender. Let it go, not because they deserve it, but because you do. You deserve to be free. You deserve to feel light again. You deserve peace.
And it starts the moment you say: “God, I can’t carry this anymore. It’s Yours now.”
Have you ever told yourself you forgave someone but realized later you were still carrying it? Share your story in the comments, your healing might help someone else start theirs.
Holy mess 