As I’ve grown closer to God, something in me has shifted. Not just in how I live or think. It’s also in how I see people, especially those I used to judge.
I used to look at mean people and think, “What’s their problem?”
I’d see someone drunk or high and roll my eyes.
I’d hear someone yelling and immediately get defensive. But now… I just see pain.
It’s not that I excuse toxic behavior. It’s that I understand it now. People don’t just wake up angry. No one is born bitter, addicted, defensive, or hateful. That stuff grows in us, from heartbreak, trauma, rejection, neglect, and shame. It thrives when we try to survive without God.
The closer I get to Him, the more I see how lost this world really is without Him. And I say that with no pride, because I was one of them.
I was hurting.
I was lost.
I was angry and didn’t even know it.
I carried stress I couldn’t name and sadness that showed up as attitude. I didn’t need judgment or fake advice. I needed God. I needed healing. And so do they.
Now, when I meet people who are angry, bitter, addicted, or lost, I don’t roll my eyes. I wonder, What happened to you? What pain are you carrying alone? Who failed to love you right? Because people don’t just act out for no reason. That’s not how God made us. This world is just broken, full of sin, betrayal, and wounds that go untreated.
That angry woman? She might be carrying decades of disappointment.
That man who drinks every night? He might be numbing pain he’s too afraid to face.
That defensive person? They might just be scared to be hurt again. I’ve been all of them in one way or another.
I had to change what I was feeding my mind. This was necessary when I first started learning to see people the way God does. I also had to change what I was feeding my heart.
When I started reading Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa TerKeurst, something inside me clicked. It taught me that loving people doesn’t mean losing myself in their chaos. That setting boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s sacred. It’s how we protect the peace God has given us.
Around the same time, I picked up 100 Days of Believing Bigger by Marshawn Evans Daniels. It reminded me that brokenness doesn’t disqualify us. In fact, it’s where God begins to rebuild us, piece by piece, layer by layer. That book helped me stop seeing my pain as a punishment and start seeing it as preparation.
For the days when my mind starts running wild, I reach for my Scripture Affirmation Cards for Women. When my spirit feels heavy, I do the same. They sit right by my desk, little reminders of truth that keep my thoughts aligned with God’s Word.
The more time I spend with God, the softer my heart becomes. Not weaker, softer.
Able to feel.
Able to forgive.
Able to see people not as problems, but as souls.
Because that’s what we all are: souls. Every person you meet is either healing, hurting, or hiding.
Some are drowning in things you’ll never see. And if you haven’t walked their road, the least you can do is not throw stones at it.
When you truly meet Jesus, everything shifts. The pain doesn’t vanish overnight, but it stops defining you. You begin to recognize the same brokenness in others. It once lived in you. That’s when compassion takes over. I’m not perfect. I still get frustrated. I still mess up. But I know this:
The more time I spend with Him, the more my vision clears. I begin to see people through grace instead of judgment.
He’s still healing me, one layer at a time.
🙏 A Prayer for a Softer Heart
“Lord, give me eyes to see people the way You do.
When my heart wants to judge, remind me of the grace You’ve given me.
Heal the parts of me that still respond from pain instead of peace.
Make me a vessel of compassion, even for those who hurt me.
Thank You for loving me through every version of myself.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
If this spoke to something deep in you, don’t keep it to yourself.
💬 Share it with someone who needs to remember that pain often hides behind anger.
💖 Leave a comment below and tell me how God has softened your heart through your own healing.
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Holy mess 